В душата на една фея

Не трябва да го кажа, защото все повече го наблюдавам. Надали има нещо по-секси в един мъж, от самочувствие, увереност, стабилност и грижа. Правила съм си експеримента да наблюдавам мъже зад волана. Мъже, които често шофират и имат самочувствието, че го правят добре. И не говоря за надути пуяци и самохвалковци, които не знаят дори на теория как се сменя гума. Говоря за мъжа, които истински знае и може без да парадира. Е, тези мъже зад волана излъчват една истинска неповторима мъжественост и сила. Може би дори излъчват нещо на физическо ниво, но това може мен като жена да ме подлуди дори в съня ми. Просто е адски секси. Не знам какво е.

Everytime this happens I am asking myself "Where do i go wrong?" .... and now my proposal is - the choice - there is where i go wrong ..... all the way from the begining - I just dont know how to choose them .... The once I like now can not like me, and not because I am less of a person but because I do not share the views of the society for women .... I cant go to a disco with high heels and expect me to dance like a freaking master hip hop/belly dance dancer, you cant expect me to put tones of make up, dance and still look fresh, you can not expect from me to be half-dressed, half-naked - this is what the dancers are for and they do get paid for it! And last but not least when u decide that it is a boys night - let it be like that, dont tell me it is ok to come and them all night to keep staring at the waitress/bar tender/half-naked drinking dancer ... and i am not saying this because I am jelous, no, dont get that idea... well definitely i would be happy to get your a...

I have so many things to say about you and I don’t know how but they all end up positive about you … since the day I first met you were ‘my guy’ you always understand me, you always know how to cheer me up, you can be serious, you can be foolish, you are a grown up and in the same time a kid which I most love about you, you never said I was wrong you never said I was right, you always listened to me and give me your opinion, you never judge, you always share and I can continue like that …. I want to say you are the perfect friend but I will lie… I will lie cause I feel something more than just friendship and I want it to be that way … that is why I call rarely, that is why we see each other rarely cause I get attached and then it is hard … it is hard to watch you being with somebody else who doesn’t deserve you … you have such a potential and you are wasting it on some distance relationship … you love and you give but what do you get, how do you feel, what do you want? All these que...

You know, I am looking at my red ribbon that you tied on my right hand and I am wondering what have you wished me but in the same time I don’t want to know cause it is our secret, nobody knows about it – what does it mean or how did it end up on my hand or even why…I am happy that I thought of it, I am happy that you didn’t say anything …. I am just happy about it … but in the same time I am sad, I am sad because it reminds me of you, not that I don’t want it but it is connected to all the questions in my head… questions for the future we will never have, questions for the past we already had – no present cause here is the present and you are not with me, you are not next to me and I cannot touch you so I am sad and I hate this moment so somehow I prefer the questions …. Questions about the future which I know I shouldn’t ask, I should even be thinking about them but here they are: popping and popping into my mind … ‘What should it be if we had more time?’, ‘What would you feel ...

I dont know what is it... is it me,my feelings,my imagination or my needs .... but i got use to you ... i got use to how you touch or smell or laugh ... and the smile, the shinning eyes .. they way you speak ... the way i feel about you .... and now it is all gone ... for one week it was true .... i wasnt alone and in the same time i felt free and i loved it .... i am loving the memory ... but what was this ... i know i have to leave it that way, not to ask, not to tell but i am interested ... i am sick of having this kind of things - just for the moment, just for tonight ... i want it to last ... to last a lil longer ... i want to get to know you ... as i started ... i am even asking myself '.. what if we had more time?' .. are we suitable? are we going to last... to hold on ... or are we going to kill each other eventually ... i want you ... you the hole - the body and the spirit, and the mind ... i need you even more then i want you ... you are so caring and loving, and wan...

I am wondering do you feel the same...or worse? ... or do guys feel smth when they fall in love .... cause i can for sure say that i feel sick,i cant eat,i cant sleep, i lost two pounds in 7 days.... i am distracted, i wait for the phone to ring, i analyze everything you do or day... i cant stop thinking what to do or say.... i am trying hard and in the same time i am trying not to feel or do all these things ... i am feeling sick cause i dont know what is happening .... God do you feel these kind of stuff or no ... i have the need to tell everything about you to everyone and in the same time i want you to be my secret .... but i cant ... i cant shut my mouth and my thoughts ..... just tell me what you feel ... 

25 СЕПТЕМВРИ 2011, НЕДЕЛЯ "Тишината" Изведнъж идва онази "тишина", която мразиш, защото няма какво да кажеш на човека до теб. Празно е, няма думи. Дали ти сбърка нещо, дали другия сбърка нещо, но тази "тишина" се появи и ти се побъркваш от нея. Пречи ти, при това на абсолютно всичко. Идва ти не да крещиш, а да събориш и счупиш всичко в стаята. Започваш да се чувстваш повече като някаква придобивка, отколкото като нещо ценно и важно за някого. Търсиш начин да махнеш "тишината", не ти се отвръща с особен ентусиазъм. Все пак е пъти по-лесно да стоиш и да си цъкаш на компютъра, да си мълчиш, но не и да имаш жив контакт, да се чувстваш наистина жив, наистина човек, наистина усещащ - обичащ, мразещ или каквото и да било друго.Най-абсурдното е, че човекът лежи до теб, а всъщност безкрайно много ти липсва. Всеки ден. Не мислиш за това, което си имал с този човек последната една година, а мислиш за нещо материално, което ще дадеш като подаръ...

... what I had with him... the security, the harmony, the satisfaction of being with someone I like, the idea that someone wants to be with me, doing stuff with someone that really looks at u in a different way not like everybody else, going out with friends, kissing someone in front of others ... knowing that someone wants to actually have you and kiss u and ect ... someone is thinking about you and is showing that too.... someone that is making sacrifices for you and do stuff for you and all of these not just him for me but I for him to have smth different on your mind…someone behind myself stop living in the future and future plans but live in the present and live for the moment stuff i experienced for like a week and it was amazing... …and yes I want that i prefer that instead of having all the guys that are with athletic bodies and charming smile and blue eyes ..but they will be different every night 31.08.2010

A man will never ever write something so simple and clear but in the same time so true about his feelings for you at a public space or network,even tell you himself. Words like "Love you" on FB will be a thanksgiving gift or words like "Miss you" when you are on a vacation without him as a text message will be a after a few tequilas with the boys at the strip club.