В душата на една фея

.. .страшно добре познато носталгично мирише на вън ... може би на детство? като,че ли на сън ....

Имало едно време земя не много далеч оттук, когато ситото било в сламата, магарето било градският глашатай, камилата- бръснарят... когато бях по-стар от баща си, та трябваше да го люлея в люлката, щом го чуех да плаче... когато светът бе преобърнат с главата надолу и времето бе кръговрат, който се въртеше и въртеше, така че бъдещето бе по-старо от миналото, а миналото бе непорочно като току що засята нива... Имало едно време... когато Божиийте твари нямали чет точно като зрънцата пшеница и било грях да говориш много, защото можело да кажеш каквото не трябва да помниш и да запомниш каквото не трябва да казваш.

Преди когато станеше неделя мразех този ден...исках да го прескоча или да го проспя и да се събудя в понеделник,нищо че понеделник винаги беше нова седмица и разбира се училище,сега не е така .... сега понеделник е просто понеделник,ново начало ... винаги убеждавам себе си ,че е от понеделник всичко ще е различно,че аз ще се променя и с това ще променя и навиците си,но не .. това рядко се случва в действителност за съжаление .... Но неделя вече не е ден,който искам да пропускам ...макар неделя все още да ми е деня за спане и така наречения козметичен ден,в който всяка от нас си прави различни разкрасителни процедури за новата седмица е вече от към година мисля насам мога да добавя още нещо .... и то е семейното готвене,ако мога така да го нарека .... в нашата къща сме като съквартирантки, три жени всяка със своето ежедневие,навици и мечти и така неделя е деня, в който се събираме обсъждаме какво ще се готви за през седмицата, пазарува се и се започва .... всичко трае около 3 до 4 час...

..you dont know me, no matter that i am like an open book to all of you ;) the trick is in the reading - not everybody knows how to do it,or the language that is written in ... but i guess that is the charm..

Днес съм генiялна,ето какво измъдрих рано сутринта,преди да започне да ме боли глава и да установя,че съня все пак не ми е достаъчен!: ".... така е но нали това е идеята на любовта нали това е идеята на връзките .... да порастваш да се развиваш да отикриваш себе си да преживяваш да се докоснеш колкото може повече до себе си .....да бъдеш себе си! .... всичко е за чувствата не за физическото ... любовта на ментално ниво е по-слна,по-истинска и искрена и по-трудна за отнемане ..."

I have been asking myself a lot of question these days and not even one of them has answer yet but still does it matter,will it matter in future ... hope so otherwise it will be a lost to punch my head so long against the wall and in the end nothing ... No matter if i made a bad decision (which i hope i did not) i still am happy that i did cause i will learn from it, i will no matter if it is good or bad... i will have my experience and my stories and i have smth to lay on for my answers .... And thank you for last night ...thank you for these words that made my night cause nothing would made it better, just you! .... ...seni özledim

-Ou i liked Evan....ouuuu and he is so adorable.... uh and so is his family! -Uh,he clearly doesnt understands what FB is for. Looking into somebodies playlist is like reading their diary. Women arent always stealing your t-shirts,they are borrowing them fully intending to give them back,but you never call... -------------------------------- i will not get mad at you about everything when i am only really mad at you about one thing ... Being in love means being yourself ??!

When he is gone, when he is no longer with you ,when you know you are never gonna see him again and that only words are left, only memories in your head, only pictures to remember …when this happens you start asking yourself ‘When did I last kiss him?’ , ‘When did I last hug him?’ …. ‘What were my last words to him?’ ……or ‘What if …?’ … but you will never go back, you will never change the past … it is what it is and only present matters ….so instead of asking ,instead of thinking just live … Don’t you want that? I think he would love it …. Like he did when he was here – you lived and you loved together …then do it …continue …find new things to hold on, find love in every piece that exists … find yourself and know you will never forget him but don’t forget yourself also!.... ~inspired by Rookie blue

Каква е вероятността да откриеш любовта на живота си сред толкова много хора. Сред толкова много любов. Дали всички хора, които срещаме и които обичаме не са разпиляното ни сърце. Дали това не е смисълът - да съберем разпиляното си сърце... И да си го припомним. Но каква е тази сила, която би ги събрала? Сред толкова много хора... Дали това не е същата сила, която после ни ги отнема? ~ Радослав Гизгинджиев  "Рай"

You know what,forget it .... forget me ... forget everything we had in the past ...  i am sick of you pretending ... i am sick of you not talking... i am sick of you ignoring me ... you want me gone - i am ... you already did it ... you pushed me far away from you... cause you cant live the distance right,although you say that you can ,although you are trying with every boy but when it comes to me ,when it comes to a friend no ... i wonder were we ever been friends or this was just my imagination .. what is the problem? that i havent visited you in a year - why didnt you come...why you never picked the phone and said smth .... why the hell? why should i always be the one to do smth about it ... i hate it - i feel like i am the only one trying and the only one that care and that you dont want me but i am a stubborn child and u are afraid to not push me directly cause i wont handle it,cause you will hurt me ,is that it?  Dont worry about me i am a grown up woman and if you...

I have so many things to say about you and I don’t know how but they all end up positive about you … since the day I first met you were ‘my guy’ you always understand me, you always know how to cheer me up, you can be serious, you can be foolish, you are a grown up and in the same time a kid which I most love about you, you never said I was wrong you never said I was right, you always listened to me and give me your opinion, you never judge, you always share and I can continue like that …. I want to say you are the perfect friend but I will lie… I will lie cause I feel something more than just friendship and I want it to be that way … that is why I call rarely, that is why we see each other rarely cause I get attached and then it is hard … it is hard to watch you being with somebody else who doesn’t deserve you … you have such a potential and you are wasting it on some distance relationship … you love and you give but what do you get, how do you feel, what do you want? All these que...

When you want to share not just words but touch, kiss, hug to share what you have inside trough a gesture but you can’t because you don’t have that person even though you know who you want it to be …. He is taken or he is far away, anyway you can’t … you just can’t do anything … and even your cat is not here …. And you have so much inside going on … so much feelings, so many emotions, so much thoughts and looove and you want to give and share and you want it to be somebody special, somebody that cares and counts …. Something with a meaning but no, not this night … and you want to cry but your eyes are dry cause you’ve cried so many times for so many people that you have forbidden yourself to cry even though you know that your heart is broken on pieces and every time every piece go into million other pieces when this thing happens and in the end you become a crazy bitch that has a lot going in her soul! …..

You know, I am looking at my red ribbon that you tied on my right hand and I am wondering what have you wished me but in the same time I don’t want to know cause it is our secret, nobody knows about it – what does it mean or how did it end up on my hand or even why…I am happy that I thought of it, I am happy that you didn’t say anything …. I am just happy about it … but in the same time I am sad, I am sad because it reminds me of you, not that I don’t want it but it is connected to all the questions in my head… questions for the future we will never have, questions for the past we already had – no present cause here is the present and you are not with me, you are not next to me and I cannot touch you so I am sad and I hate this moment so somehow I prefer the questions …. Questions about the future which I know I shouldn’t ask, I should even be thinking about them but here they are: popping and popping into my mind … ‘What should it be if we had more time?’, ‘What would you feel ...

...i felt like a phoenix who burned into flames and reborned after it got there and felt the air ...

I dont know what is it... is it me,my feelings,my imagination or my needs .... but i got use to you ... i got use to how you touch or smell or laugh ... and the smile, the shinning eyes .. they way you speak ... the way i feel about you .... and now it is all gone ... for one week it was true .... i wasnt alone and in the same time i felt free and i loved it .... i am loving the memory ... but what was this ... i know i have to leave it that way, not to ask, not to tell but i am interested ... i am sick of having this kind of things - just for the moment, just for tonight ... i want it to last ... to last a lil longer ... i want to get to know you ... as i started ... i am even asking myself '.. what if we had more time?' .. are we suitable? are we going to last... to hold on ... or are we going to kill each other eventually ... i want you ... you the hole - the body and the spirit, and the mind ... i need you even more then i want you ... you are so caring and loving, and wan...

So basically last week was the luckiest in my life :D  Things that happened: fell down and got injured pretty damn bad  almost hit by a car hit (by accident) while dancing the lamp in the bathroom "exploded" the shower broke in to 2 different parts my blood pressure fell down while during one session got sore throat :D  ...and maybe more things that i can not remember right now but I also got to meet wonderful people,be active,have fun and mostly be happy :)

I had a dream of you last night ... ...you told me "...no matter if i am online just right me a message and when i get it i will right back..."  was that a promise to me,darling,or just my imagination spinning around my needs and desires after we are gone? ~AkA